A Politically Incorrect Terminology Lesson

I got a good one for you dear readers, who I love so much...

SocialWorker24/7, who claims to be "one of the good ones who cares" wrote the following post on her very Pro-CPS blog, which was her response to a comment left by one of her readers about what labels to use, parents, bio-parents, foster parents, whatever.

Here's the link: http://eyesopenedwider.blogspot.com/2010/01/nameslabelsect.html

Now, I left a comment on this post, which I did not make a copy of, so this is not word for word. What I said was that the term "bio-parent" is offensive because it makes it sound like our kids came out of a test-tube and robs us of perceptual importance. I also stated, (this coming from conversations in the newsgroups, more often than not from our beloved Brenda), that the term "Foster Parent" is also offensive to the real parents and that they should be called "Foster Caregivers" instead because that's what they are, although I prefer the term "foster contractor", but I was trying to be nice.

Then at the end of the comment, I put forth a question. I asked, "I suppose that you think it's okay for a foster child to call the foster caregivers mom or dad, huh?" Figuring that we're all talking about labels here, and all labels are is identifiers for clarification purposes, right? Now, I know this is a touchy issue for a good many "Real Parents" who are often just a wee bit irritated with the woman who your child is calling "mom".

And get this; SocialWrkr24/7 refuses to publish my comment! probably partly because she's still mad at me for writing this post here on Legally Kidnapped.

http://legallykidnapped.blogspot.com/2010/01/child-welfare-302-working-with-birth.html

And because her reader base consists of a lot of foster contractors, who she does not want to offend.

I can live with that. Not too many Social Workers do like me, I would imagine, considering I have made it my JOB to expose them all for the FRAUDS and SELF-RIGHTEOUS HYPOCRITES that they are (and for clarification purposes, I am not saying that SocialWrkr24/7 is a fraud or a self-righteous hypocrite, she's more of a case of a well meaning person falling for a line of bullshit, but that's just the interpretation that I get from reading her blog). But here's where it gets good. Not only does SocialWrkr24/7 not publish my comment, but she responds to it on the following post, while making no citation or reference whatsoever to the person whose comment or question inspired her to write the blog post...

http://eyesopenedwider.blogspot.com/2010/01/little-clarification-on-my-names-post.html

Where essentially she is saying, "Yes it is okay and appropriate" for your kid to call somebody else mom or dad.

So here is the comment, which I left, which she probably won't approve because: #1 she hates me, # 2 she won't want to offend some of her readers who are foster caregivers regardless of the fact that it is not possible to have an open and honest discussion on such an issue without pissing somebody off, and # 3 because the best way to hide the truth is to pretend it doesn't exist.

Dear Miss Social Worker

First let me say that I think it's funny that you will respond to my comments but won't post them. Second, I once had to try to talk a real mom out of suicide because of what you describe in this post as if it's a good thing.

For the sake of argument, lets set up a hypothetical situation here. Lets say, for example, that you someday have a kid of your own, you make a mistake causing a report to be made to the hotline, a worker shows up and takes your kid into foster care, (it's better to be safe than sorry you know). You go to your visitations and your kid is calling some other woman "Mom."

How would you feel about that? Would it hurt? Would you want to hit someone? Would you think it's appropriate and acceptable if you were in the real parents position?

Now most babystealers would respond with something like, "Well it's not about what's best for the parents, it's about what is best for the child," or some lame excuse like that.

Fine, let me explain how it harms the child. The child is removed from home, put with a family and is encouraged to assimilate, over time the child settles in, then they're moved to a new foster home, then they settle in, then moved again and again and again, all the time having dreams of forever homes being preached to them by the social workers. The next think you know they're being diagnosed with and treated with psyche meds for RAD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc.

Therefore, it's not okay to do this. It's hurtful and offensive and it's not what's best for the child.

It's called "parental alienation" and it's a standard practice within the Child Protective Industry. What workers in your profession do is encourage the children to try to assimilate into other families, you allow them to call people who aren't their parents mom or dad and by doing so you confuse the child and destroy any bond that exists between the child and the real parents as well as the child's chances of a successful assimilation into a new family or adoptive placement, and use the same reason as an excuse to terminate the rights of the real parents to THEIR kids.

Now, dear readers who I love so much, I would really be interested in your thoughts on all of this about labels. Especially about how you would feel about your child in foster care calling another woman "Mom" or another man "Dad."

To me it's kind of like pouring salt on an open wound, and that goes for both the child and the parents.