So I mean what I'm saying with the utmost respect...why is it that I should "Wake Up"? My whole post, and whole point of my post, which I made clear is to treat birth parents with respect and dignity and to support them however possible. I also made it clear that it's not the way that things usually go down, but it's how it should be, it's how I try to be and it's how I wish all foster parents were. I'm so confused as to why I'm catching flack for that. Thanks for at least being willing to gently shake me and not violently. LOL P.S. I did respond to your comment as well to my 2nd post in response to your first comment (as though that's not confusing! HA!), but in case you didn't see it...I do greatly appreciate that you answered my question and I in no way was angered by your response. I agree with all of what your saying. I don't agree with birth parents taking the stance of "Why bother" but I agree with you and know that it is probably what happens and I also understand how they get to that point. My post in response to your comment was merely to clarify some points that I felt like I didn't get across quite well enough (my fault for not making it clear not yours for not getting it) and went into more detail to explain. If you thought I was angry and/or ungrateful for your response, I sincerely apologize.
Because I'm quite familiar with this line of thought and because it's what I do, I have to comment. I know we're talking about bio parents choosing not to be in there lives. Like I told you privately, we're often told NOT to visit, NOT to call, not to email or instant message. If we do, we will get arrested. That's what their social worker says and then along comes a foster care provider telling them to call, to visit, to email or whatever. They feel like it's a trap. For good reason. Oftentimes it is a trap.
These birth or bio parents have gone through pure hell regardless of their guilt or innocence of the allegations against. They're told so many lies, the facts are twisted to the point you don't even recognize yourself or your situation in it, and they're told something else about you. It's COVER YOUR ASS type of situation and it's what we're trained to do, cover our collective asses.
It is my understanding that CPS OWNS everybody...the bios, the children and the fosters...and they play them off of each other. So if bios are allowed only 4 hours per week of supervised (by them as always) visitation and you let them in your home, they can go to jail for contempt of court, trespassing (if you so choose), and/or harassment (again, at your discretion and CPS might pressure or threaten YOU into doing it). Their goal is to have this child adopted out. They WILL use any means necessary.
I agree with LK that some parents do say why bother. It simply hurts too much and they know they're not going to get them back so it's a survival mechanism that kicks in here. That plus the fear of going to jail can be a pretty strong deterrent to most parents. You know, you could always ASK them what the problem is. I'm sure that they'd be more than happy to clue you in.
So I mean what I'm saying with the utmost respect...why is it that I should "Wake Up"? My whole post, and whole point of my post, which I made clear is to treat birth parents with respect and dignity and to support them however possible. I also made it clear that it's not the way that things usually go down, but it's how it should be, it's how I try to be and it's how I wish all foster parents were. I'm so confused as to why I'm catching flack for that. Thanks for at least being willing to gently shake me and not violently. LOL P.S. I did respond to your comment as well to my 2nd post in response to your first comment (as though that's not confusing! HA!), but in case you didn't see it...I do greatly appreciate that you answered my question and I in no way was angered by your response. I agree with all of what your saying. I don't agree with birth parents taking the stance of "Why bother" but I agree with you and know that it is probably what happens and I also understand how they get to that point. My post in response to your comment was merely to clarify some points that I felt like I didn't get across quite well enough (my fault for not making it clear not yours for not getting it) and went into more detail to explain. If you thought I was angry and/or ungrateful for your response, I sincerely apologize.
ReplyDeleteBecause I'm quite familiar with this line of thought and because it's what I do, I have to comment. I know we're talking about bio parents choosing not to be in there lives. Like I told you privately, we're often told NOT to visit, NOT to call, not to email or instant message. If we do, we will get arrested. That's what their social worker says and then along comes a foster care provider telling them to call, to visit, to email or whatever. They feel like it's a trap. For good reason. Oftentimes it is a trap.
ReplyDeleteThese birth or bio parents have gone through pure hell regardless of their guilt or innocence of the allegations against. They're told so many lies, the facts are twisted to the point you don't even recognize yourself or your situation in it, and they're told something else about you. It's COVER YOUR ASS type of situation and it's what we're trained to do, cover our collective asses.
It is my understanding that CPS OWNS everybody...the bios, the children and the fosters...and they play them off of each other. So if bios are allowed only 4 hours per week of supervised (by them as always) visitation and you let them in your home, they can go to jail for contempt of court, trespassing (if you so choose), and/or harassment (again, at your discretion and CPS might pressure or threaten YOU into doing it). Their goal is to have this child adopted out. They WILL use any means necessary.
I agree with LK that some parents do say why bother. It simply hurts too much and they know they're not going to get them back so it's a survival mechanism that kicks in here. That plus the fear of going to jail can be a pretty strong deterrent to most parents. You know, you could always ASK them what the problem is. I'm sure that they'd be more than happy to clue you in.