Legally Kidnapped

Shattering Your Child Welfare Delusions Since 2007

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Would You Want Your Children Bonding With Strangers?

I think that most foster parents are genuinely in it with nothing but the best of intentions. However, there is a fine line here that needs to be mentioned. What is the difference between good intention and self-righteous hypocracy?

This morning, while bouncing around the internet, I came across a blog article entitled, Should Foster Parents Bond With Their Foster Children? This woman wants to bond with the children who come to stay with her for a short time.

I was personally sickened by this whole blog. It is about as anti-birth parent as it gets. Not every child who is put into the foster care system is due to abuse. Some parents are easy targets because they simply can’t afford an expensive attorney. Some may have comitted a crime that had nothing to do with abusing the child, but because they are in jail, the kids end up in foster care. I am only mentioning it because change is needed, not only a change in the system but a change in the whole mentality that justifies its existence.

I left a comment on this post. However the foster parent who wrote this will probably moderate it out, so I decided to post it here:
I'm sorry, but I must disagree. If you are a short term placement, bonding would only hurt the child at the time they are moved. A child who comes to you traumatized from abuse and a removal from their home wants love, safety, and compassion, but they also want and desperately need stability. They stay with you for a couple months, start to settle in, start to trust you, start to feel comfortable, and wam it's time for them to move on.

Children who are in multiple placements over a period of time tend to develop attachment disorders because they know that they're just going to be moved again.

Children who are new to the system have no clue as to what they're in for. For a small child, a couple of months can be an eternity. The child will naturally want to bond with you, but if you know that you're a short term placement, then you should do whatever you can to prepare them for that reality. If that child has bonded with you, they will relive the trauma when it's time for them to move on.

Legally Kidnapped


Later in the day, I get this email.

I’m very sorry, but “LegallyKidnapped” is an inappropriate user name for We cannot allow you to register with or use this name. Please pick a more appropriate user name if you wish to participate here.


Lisa Pietsch

AdoptionBlogs Editor


Lisa Pietsch

AdoptionBlogs & Sharespace Blog Manager


I guess they can't handle the truth.

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