Legally Kidnapped

Shattering Your Child Welfare Delusions Since 2007

Friday, February 26, 2010

Differences in Adoption

On her Blog Eyes Opened Wider, SocialWrkr24/7 wrote the following post.

Differences in Adoption

Now I decided to leave her a comment which she may or may not post. This is because I am the most often misunderstood person on the planet who is viewed as rude when all I'm doing is telling it like it is. Therefore I will post it here.
Miss Social Worker 24-7

I do believe I understand the point that you are trying to make here. I'll even admit to somewhat agreeing with what you have to say here, but at the same time you have to realize just how generic some of these terms and labels have become. By becoming generic many labels have been reduced to the same meaning. And quite honestly, from the perspective of a real or biological parent these terms are not only offensive, but harmful on many levels, spiritually, emotionally, legally, you name it. They are not harmful on any level for an adoptive parent to be called an adoptive parent.

When you are looked upon by society as an abuser of any kind, you are seen as a monster. You are not seen as someone who needs help. You are not seen as someone who has problems. You are not seen as someone with psychological problems. You are not seen as somebody with a disability, or drug addiction or poor, or unemployed. No you're an abuser. Why else would Child Protective Services even bother with you? Right?

And if you have your child removed, and this my dear comes from discussions with lots and lots of parents, you are viewed as an abuser and looked down upon quite often by the foster parents. Some even blog about it. Some bash the parents, others don't.

You may have to go to a meeting where you are viewed as an abuser by several people in a room. You may be told how inadequate of a parent you are or how these people don't think that you're capable of raising your children.

Meanwhile the workers provide all these hoops for you to jump through, and once you complete these, we'll identify some more issues for you to work on. Of course you don't see it that way, after all, you're just trying to help, right? Some people just can't handle the psychological beat down, which is the way that they view it. And believe it or not sweetie, for many many parents who have been involved with the child welfare system in any way, a psychological beat down from many of the people who are supposed to help, is just what you get. So the perception is not always inaccurate.

So back to your original point, no real parent is going to care how an adoptive or foster parent feels about having a label applied on them that identifies them as a non biological parent. Especially when they have your kid.

But hey, we deserved it right?

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous12:05 PM

    I understand there are times when a parent loses their child because of minor details, You are on your death bed and no one can take your kid, understandable. But i as an adult who was a foster kid up for adoption felt and still feel my mother should have made better choices when given the chance, and no she did not have many but she could have kept her legs closed or gave me to my father instead of leaving me and my siblings in an orphanage! If your child is gone because you abused them or you missed court dates or hoops, only the child loses, you had your chance now the child must go through hoops, hoops they would have jumped over for you if it were there choice.. that is evident in cases where children want to reunite with the same sick people that abused them! we are loving and forgiving as kids but our partents that give us away, your selfish and in the end you lost because you screwed up not the child!!


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