Another anonymous poster with CPS related issues.

I am 24 years old and have been dealing with this since I was 21. I'm barely holding on and its faith that keeps me going. When I was separating from my kids dad at 8 months my oldest son was injured we do not know how or when it happened they have never been able to tell us. No criminal case is even pending on anyone. It was not my weekend with my son and I hadn't had him for 72 hrs. While I was at work I got the call that he needed to go to the er. I left work and rushed him there. The first question the Dr's asked me was had he gotten into any poisons. I'm confused and irate I said “he doesn't even crawl yet how could he get into anything" they transfer him, he has serve injuries and has to undergo brain surgery. I sat at the hospital for 3 months never leaving his side, losing everything we had. For the fear of him letting go.

Now he’s almost 3. Everything I do I do for him. They have never been able to explain what happened, but they have had both of my sons in foster homes since. Not even together have hired lawyer after lawyer who have done nothing but let me down. I am a good person and bad things happen to good people. They hate me in court because they know I've done nothing wrong and their on a power trip! I am the nicest you ever met. And it’s destroying my kids and me! I need help. They took my youngest son form the labor and delivery. He was only 3 days old. He’s going on 2 right now. I was first ordered to do parenting classes I completed them within three months. And had excellent reports. The secondary workers do not understand still to this day why they are doing this to me. My second DHS worker was a guy who was gay and that is when everything went nuts. Workers have visited my house and loved it. But my primary worker has never been here. I’ve been stable for three years never moved had the same job etc. I am even given random UA'S and have never failed any, but you know if I was cracked out they would me. I see every time I go to court. I am Choctaw and the judge even ruled out the Indian child welfare act. Which can I point out is illegal. But again that's more money I didn't have to file for an appeal. Now hear it is going on 3 years and now I'm in counseling that was court ordered just to string it out more. My counselor doesn't understand she says it obvious I'm a good mother and she can see the pain in boys eyes when were there. They won’t unlock themselves from my legs. I go back to court next week. It doesn't matter what I do it’s never good enough. They are now saying I am never home so I can’t have my kids back. Well I go to school 40 hrs a week work 37 hrs a week and am active in church and bible study. Truth is I have to stay busy to hold on. And I'm sorry I don't see how bettering my life while I have the time to is bad. I’ll be done with school in June, because I have been focusing on it while I didn't have my kids. And I don't see how doing something good they can turn it into bad. I mean of course if my boys were home I have money saved where id only have to work part time and could do school part time. Every time I go into that room they all team up against me. I am always well dressed. And my boys have everything at my home their own room as to where their placed now they sleep in the living room. I have watched a husky snap at my two year old and they got onto him not the dog. That house also has 8 dogs that live inside. They don't feed him anything but sweets. And he got scabies there. Every time I see him he has a new bruise. The other family keeps my oldest son so drugged up he never wants to move. Why all because they don't have time for him. I have played nice in their games for almost 3 years now. Everyone tells me to get mad at them show them I'm mad, but I'm afraid then they would say I had anger issues. I mean who wouldn't if their world was taken from them. I have held my head high throughout the whole progress. But kids need to be loved. Love only a mother can give them. They need to feel wanted and cared for, not just a check coming in. please I need help. This is unfair what they are doing to my children. They told me if I signed up rights to my oldest son I could have the youngest one back or they wouldn't give either back and take any other children I had. I did that and they lied they screwed me over and my lawyer let them. That’s the worst part of it all. I gave up on one and that's the worst choice I’ve made in this. But I thought it would be over. I'm tired of fighting. It’s making me sick. I have ended up in the hospital for stress. The adoption isn't finally yet on my oldest. But I just want this to be over. I'm 24 and never saw my life like this. I do volunteer work. And have a heart of gold. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why can’t I be a mother? Again I had court today, they my new ISP plan has almost been completed. But they still are not satisfied. I again have great reports and again them court order new services. If they have so many concerns why can't they court it all at once, so I can get this behind us? They continue to string it out! My lawyer is so fed up he has annoyed he is no longer going to take DHS cases. Our casa worker doesn’t like me and she’s never gotten to know me on a personal level to see what kind of person I really am. She has never seen me interact with my children. None of the workers have either. Everyone who has only has good things to say about my parenting skills. Although the courts are not willing to hear it. This morning in court Sara, the casa worker stated “she treats her kids like toy dolls" are you kidding me she’s never seen me interact with my children. They are my world. The worst lie she blurted out in court which really got me going was “she has been trying to get pregnant again" my lawyer asks her what grounds she has. She states “someone very close to the case" well for starters I would never intend on bringing another child into this world! Not to mention I do have an IUD. The 7 year birth control. Which has to be removed. How does that even make sense? Also you can’t say rumors that are not fair. It’s not right. I mean the only person who could really say I was trying to have another baby would be the person I was sleeping with which my life is too busy for anyways! I have too many other things I am trying to focus on at this time in my life. !