SystemSuckology: Foster Care Fairy Tales

Earlier today I posted a link to a blog called Foster-2-Forever. Now before some system suck gets their panties in a bunch, (Oh my God how can I pick on such a sweetie) I gotta say that I do not believe that this person is bad or evil. In fact just the opposite. Although she is certainly on the old Imperialistic Morality Parade, I'm sure she is taking very good care of the kids who come into her home, and I'm sure she really wants to do what is best for the kids. She just doesn't understand what that is.

I also gotta say that I do enjoy reading this particular blog, but not because I see it as having any educational value whatsoever. I read it more for entertainment. Why? Because it is one of the best examples of the Fairy Tale view of foster care and adoption that I have ever seen.

So what do I mean by the Fairy Tale view? Well... Mostly that her writings do not reflect the reality that most people experience, but instead preaches a much happier scenario. If this is her reality then great. In the case where the child really needs to be protected, I wish it could be like that for all of them. I would hope that every kid in the world would have a good home. I would hope that they would all grow up loved and nurtured. I would also hope that if they were in foster care that there really were no other options such as a grandparent or loving family member who should always come first.

Unfortunately many kids in this system do not find this kind of happily ever after scenario. It is difficult to find a "Forever Home" for a teenager for example. I've come across multiple news stories that claim that it's hard to find adoptive placements for special needs kids or sibling groups. This is not stating that I agree with most of these kids even being adopted when there are so many loving family members out there fighting for so many of them. It simply means that one persons reality may not reflect the reality of the norm, and this is an exceptionally "Happily Ever After" sort of a scenario.

What makes it even more of a fairy tale view is the fact that those who preach this kind of view do not acknowledge the very real problems within the system. For example, only abused and neglected kids are in the system. Workers never steal children and are always the heroes. Real parents are always hideous villains.

Never do they talk about the kids who are abused in foster care or the kids who are bounced around from home to home. Theirs will has a happy ending. They never bring up the systematic failures, you'll never see talk about the kids in group homes, abuse in care or the over-drugging of the foster kids. Nope, they're gonna love them, and hold them, and kiss away all of their troubles and give them some cute nickname on their blogs.

I do bring up these problems because I sometimes feel like they're preaching the wrong message as if this is the reality that all potential adoptive parents will experience, while many kids and parents suffer in secret. This view being preached so often ultimately leads to failed adoptions when the new adoptive parent looking for their happily ever after suddenly comes to understand of what they really got themselves into and the state still gets the money for the successful outcome anyway, and they may even get the kid back a year or so later. It leads to an undeserved positive public perception of the Child Protective Industry. That undeserved positive perception enables them to get away with fraud, corruption, child trafficking, etc. in secret, while the public believes the system to be the perfect little world like that which is preached in Foster 2 Forever.

When I do try to call them on their bullshit, I'm automatically accused of being the bad guy. I'm told to stop bashing foster parents. They always come back at me with a horror story of a kid who was really abused so severely, for example the worst of the worst of the worst as if they think that I believe in a parents right to abuse a child. I don't want to see kids get hurt either. They will all do this. Not only the foster parents but any system suck. They act as if calling them on their bullshit is the same as being pro-child abuse. It is not.

What do you not see the failure to protect cases that I post? You know the cases where the kid really did need to be protected, but the workers were too busy chasing shadows and harassing innocent parents who are having a hard time? Come on! The last thing I want to see is a kid get hurt. These people are so full of shit it's pathetic. Look for example at the comments that were posted after mine on the following post. I am trying to be polite here and start a serious discussion. And I have. But their responses are almost always the same. It's always the same argument. "But what about the kids who really are abused or neglected?"

http://foster2forever.com/2012/02/love-from-a-birthmother.html

The simple reason that so many of these kids do fall through the cracks is because there are too many false accusations and reports without merit. It's because the sheep are so caught up in the Penn State Sex Abuse Scandal or the Casey Anthony trial that they will report anybody who doesn't parent to their standards in their opinion. It could also be argued that the workers are incompetent and couldn't tell the difference between an abused or neglected child and a hole in the wall and spend more time tearing apart impoverished or innocent families than they do protecting abused or neglected kids. But this is beside the point.

The reason that the Fairy Tale view is so dangerous is the fact that it's the preaching of the wrong message to the gullible from the gullible who live in their perfect little worlds. It's the case of the blind leading the blind, where the cute little babies who become available are snatched up long before they're damaged like the older kids who are bounced around and end up on an edition of Wednesday's Child.



Wednesday's Child is another example of the Fairy Tale view.

How so?

Well, notice in the video that I just shared, the kid is dressed up nicely and taken to a fun place where he'll be having a blast. That way he's all happy and bubbly for the camera. When he gets back to the foster home, all hell will break loose. The rages will begin. He'll be given his meds and spend the rest of the day walking around aimlessly like a good little zombie.

But what a happy scenario the media presents to you, wouldn't you think? Do you think this kid would be a good edition to your family? Do you think this kid would be a challenge? Would his problems all be solved if he could just find his forever home? Did you notice they have him convinced of this? Why wouldn't the current foster parents adopt him? Is it possible that somebody loves and misses him? Or are all these kids really unwanted and unloved?

So this is what we'll call the "Dreams of Forever Homes" scenario. This is where they convince the kids that everything will be all better if they can only find them a family. They will live happily ever after. If they can't find them that forever home, then it's out on your ass at age 18. Sorry! See Ya!