"Why let her believe that she is working toward reunification when everyone is just going through the motions?"
Note: Here is an interesting blog post from a foster parent. The real mother is being lied to and thinks that she is working towards reunification while everybody else involved in the stealing of her children is working towards just the opposite, and lying to her about it in the process.
Imagine being lied to by everybody who has that kind of power over you. It happens all the time. They just don't tell you all that often.
Here is the comment that I left on this post. I would imagine that she will not publish it as all comments are moderated, but it was left anyway.
>> Why let her believe that she is working toward reunification when everyone is just going through the motions?
How does it feel to be a part of a lie? Does it feel like your being used? Is this a discussion that you've actually had with a worker? Do you ever feel like they're setting these parents up to fail? I mean with such a lack of faith in a person, who you said yourself, "She seems to be making progress as well," they can't be providing too much of a support system.
It should be all of your jobs to help her to build on her strengths even the small ones that are a little too late. Knowing it's not going to happen but going through the motions anyway is more of the way you all play games with peoples lives.
Perhaps you could tell her the truth. Give her a call, say "Hey, everybody is undermining your efforts." Tell her not to get her hopes up. Tell her don't bother. Tell her, they're just going through the process to make themselves look good so that you can't sue them for it later on down the road. It's all about appearances.
Just shows some of the sick games that these people play with the lives of parents. I can picture a bunch of them all standing around the water cooler joking about the obstacle course of hoops she gets to jump through. Kind of like holding a carrot on a stick just in front of the donkey who chases it, isn't it?
Now everything she is doing is based on a lie. False hopes. False dreams. Yet you all let her do it anyway knowing that she's got the chance of a snowball in hell. You're all in on it too.
Thank God that I never had to try to live up to all of your standards of perfection while you all watched. It wouldn't go over nearly this well for you.
LK
And in case she takes this post down or changes it, as they often do once I link to them. I will copy and paste the original post here. (The original link is at the top of this post.)
From the Blog: My Life in a Foster Care Space Warp
Monday, June 21, 2010
I Don't Understand, or Maybe I do.
The little boys that I have right now are doing well and settling in very nicely. They are happy and healthy and secure and really beginning to attach. Good things all. They are visiting with their birth mom pretty liberally, although supervised. She seems to be making progress as well. Unfortunately her situation is such that she is not going to get her boys back. There is too much unhealthiness in her life. Even if she maintains her sobriety, she has way too much other bad stuff and not enough of anything good to parent anyone. I know this. The worker knows this. The judge knows this, as do the attorneys. I'm pretty sure everyone involved in this case knows it, except for mom. Everyone talks about it, but not to her. No one has told her and no one will tell her. Why not? Why not just tell it like it is and allow her to maintain some control over the situation? Why not allow her to relinquish and make some choices about where her boys end up? She could ask for post adoption contact agreement so she could have continued contact. Why let her believe that she is working toward reunification when everyone is just going through the motions? Once they terminate the adoptive family will be advised not to maintain contact. They almost alway advise it in our county regardless of the birth family situation. We have been told repeatedly that contact with Ella's family is not appropriate (and she did ultimately relinquish)
If I admit it, I know why it is this way. It's to protect the county from lawsuits.
Posted by Susan at 9:06 PM
Labels: adoption, wondering
No comments:
Post a Comment